“Don’t Be Stiff, Man” (satire)

Written by: Victor P.

“Don’t Be Stiff, Man” (satire)

Don’t be stiff, man, loosen up,
Fill your blissful ignorance’s cup,
Don’t be cold, better to be lukewarm,
In the middle’s all right and no harm.

Don’t reprove, that’s just mean,
Don’t rebuke, that’s just obscene,
Just don’t say there’s objective truth,
It’s all subjective, we don’t need proof.

Some things Jesus didn’t know, man,
But we’re smarter than He was then,
We’re modern and progressive, see,
What we are now is what we will be.

Some things Jesus couldn’t have said,
They were added after he was dead,
You just need to be nice to people, man,
And be the very best you that you can.


“Progress Is Costly”

Written by: Victor P.
(satire & sarcasm)

“Progress Is Costly”

We promised heaven on earth without God
But hell on earth was the best we could do.

Mothers wept and children died
But come on, at least we tried.
We tried to establish a utopia
But we ended up with innumerable graves.

Our system was not perfect then
But we’ve learned and we’ll try again.

We’ll try to avoid innumerable deaths
But we’re not making any promises;
The gears of the progress machine must be oiled
With the blood of the willing and those opposing.

It’s a new century, and though the last one was so bloody,
We’ll try to learn from the mistakes of our predecessors
And spill so much blood for progress’ sake
Or at least cover up our deeds better than they did.

Slowly but surely we climb the mountain of bones,
The dry black blood paints a picture for all to see:
Progress is costly, many sacrifices must be made to reach it.
Fear not, though, we believe our progress is worth it.

To progress now with dreams of utopia,
Join in the godless march to a new age.
All who oppose are fools and blind,
They’ll be forgotten in a little time,
They’ll be the ones left behind.

“Hark! Progressivism’s heralds sing!” (SATIRE) written by me.

“Hark! Progressivism’s heralds sing!”
(SATIRE) written by me.

Hark! Progressivism’s Heralds Sing!

Hark! Progressivism’s heralds sing:
Hail Progress, Lord of Time,
Retrograding is a wrong that can’t be excused!
Clear the path, make way for Progress,
Cease procrastinating, embrace change,
Discard antiquated beliefs, they’re strange.

Get in line, the Progress train is boarding,
Don’t fall behind, don’t slack, don’t miss it,
Get on, get in, come on, you’ll win,
Progress is the way the world moves,
Good intentions pave the road,
We’ll make wide the path and broad the road,
We’ll see the coming of a new age!

Dance to the sound of postmodernism,
March to the beat of Progressivism,
Sleep in the beds of conformity,
Die in the arms of Progress,
Sacrifice all that you are for it!

“Gather Around, Come Together” (at least part satire, by me)

“Gather Around, Come Together” (at least part satire, by me)


“Servant of Christ, Hear My Advice” (satire, by me)

“Servant of Christ, Hear My Advice” (satire, by me)


“Who would believe such a thing?” (SATIRE) by me.

“Who would believe such a thing?” (SATIRE) by me.

Who would believe such a thing,
That gentle Jesus would say such negative things
Attributed to him in the Good Book?
No, no, we know he’s meek and mild,
Blessing children, healing the sick,
Would he say what we think he wouldn’t say?
No, no, who’d make such things up about him?
Staining his image is what they’re doing,
But our conception of him remains
Divorced from all we deem negative,
We paint him positive in the light of the artificial sun,
Take the light colors, put them on heavy, come on,
We’re going to have a picture of Jesus
The way we want him to be, to look, to act,
‘Cause there’s no other way it could be,
Our subjective say has the final say
So all those who want to attribute such negative words
To our nice Jesus can get out of the way and stay quiet
‘Cause we’re spreading the message we believe’s true
That Jesus wouldn’t say anyone’s condemned,
Jesus wouldn’t chase people with whips in a temple,
Jesus wouldn’t get angry, wouldn’t call people mean things,
No, no, so many see it wrong, we see it right
So we’re spreading the message everywhere
The picture of Jesus we’ve conceived is what we believe
And we want millions more to believe it with us.
Glory to God Alone.